Angel

To Maggie,

Will you smile after all this? Will you smile like before after I leave?

… …

I met with her two years ago, we sit in the same room. We had few words at that times, not because I couldn’t speak, we just shared little time or space. But there are some things I know for sure, she smiles a lot, she is lovely and I like her.

I don’t remember when it started, we began to talk a little bit. I want to thank her roommate, who sits in another room, she wanted her to be a messenger, because her roommate had a thing for me. I’m sorry but I have to say I never cared about her roommate inside. Maybe I faked sometimes, that’s all because I could spend more time with her, my angel.

The feelings for her become even much stronger since I knew that I’m going to leave this city, which I’ve lived in for seven years. But I don’t know how to express, maybe it’s the best to hide it from the first and just far watch the most beautiful scene in the world, angel smiling.

She has feelings for me, which makes me nervous and careful. I don’t want hard feelings in the end, I just want her to be happy all the time, I don’t want to see her lonely, I just want her to be loved.

The mistake has been made. I was a little drunk but completely sobered in mind. Now she knows my feelings and I know her thoughts. We will end up with nothing, which we both understand from the very beginning. My precious angel, can you take this? Will you cry? I intended to be a silent guardian but I failed.

Your smile is the most beautiful thing I can see in my life. I just can’t describe in words how much I love your smile. Do you know how touching and heart-warming your smile is? Can you feel that yourself? Every time you smile, I just can’t move my sight away. Is this what magic is? I feel happy, warm and cheered-up. It makes me feel that I’m freshly alive, full of energy and passion.

My heart melts.

… …

Forgive me, baby, forgive me for not being able to control my feelings, forgive me for not being able to stay by your side.

I’m sure you’ll be happy for the rest of your life. There must be some other guy feeling the same about you like me. He will be moved by your smile, he will love you with all his heart, he will give you all happiness in life. He will be the luckiest man in the world and you will be the happiest woman.

I’ll start a new life in a strange city, pursuing a good future and looking for true meaning of life. And you, my angel, will bravely move forward, smiling like always, to embrace beautiful life.

Take care and be happy!

Loving you forever.

Alex.

One year since I last posted…

Things have changed a lot in the last year.

Much gains, while more pains. I think the experience needs to be more valued, at least I’ve been through a lot of shit and now I’m breathing well.

I still have faith and everybody else should as well, for life and for the future. There is always a way. Good luck to myself.

I found myself noble……

Recently I bought two indie games on Steam, Toki Tori and RUSH which I didn’t want to own eagerly in the 2011 Summer Sale. There were two reasons why I bought them.

a) They are good games(not as amazing as Braid or World of Goo), but they were really cheap during the Summer Sale, $1.24 each, absolutely a steal for a game with occasionally free updates and Steam achievements;

b) They come from the same developer, Two Tribes, which is very small and has only two games on sale on Steam. They were to small and too poor to put their great games on the Steam storefront on any of Summer Sale days, Toki Tori and RUSH are good games and I thought I could buy them for such low prices and offer some support for a small growing developer.

The games are good but not good enough for me to put them in my Steam game library, while $2.48 was not a big figure for me since I had bought thousands of US dollars worth games on Steam. And I bought it mostly because I wanted to show my support and see Two Tribes grow and flourish in the near future and come up with more fascinating video games.

Whose joke is it?

People from the U.S. think the math section of entrance exam of Harvard University in 1869 makes SAT or GRE kind of a joke, while this does not mean the former is not a joke. Actually the math section of SAT or GRE is a joke for most Chinese students, and after a view of the test in 1869 I think it’s still a joke for Chinese high school students.

And so what? From Hacker News, I learned about a website called Quizlet this morning, which was developed five years ago by a sophomore high school student who is now planning to drop out from MIT in order to make his website better. Brilliant, it’s an amazing site which can also help me with my upcoming GRE.

In America, people are able to earn their social or career reputations when they’re teenagers or even kids. They are taught to do adults’ stuff, to make money and to make a fame. Look at us, what are we doing? Everything from paper stays on paper. I also earned my reputation when I was a teenager, of course, in paper.

Whose joke is it? Shit!

Not this time

How have you been in 2010? For my own sake, it’s great. But I don’t think it goes for everyone.

Valve really lives up to its reputation so it’s winning the fight against the wow Mojang AB in the competition Game Developer of the Year 2011 raised by Escapist Magazine. Well, good for Valve, it would almost make it again since it was the champion last year in the same contest in which I voted for Valve in the semi-final against Zynda which is developing games for Facebook and MySpace.

However, if we would say that it won 2010 for its Left 4 Dead 2 then how will Valve get itself equipped this year? Of course we have trailers of Portal 2 and announcements of DOTA 2, but is this all Valve can come up with to earn its prestige for the past 2010? While what is the situation of its opponents? Fantastic is BioWare that it brought us the epic Mass Effect 2, surely it has been blowing everyone’s mind that StarCraft 2 was published last year.

Is Escapist going to be a brilliant predictor? Because Portal 2 won’t be released until a few days after the contest ends. Thanks to the giant Steam forums, threads come up to call people to vote when Valve has made it semi-final after easily beaten Relic with Retribution and even Crytek with its new fascinating CryEngine 3.

It is very clear to me that this is a competition to choose the most successful developer in a single year not in a era of ten years or more, because it’s brought up every single year and named Developer of the YEAR. Please help me figure out how all of this makes sense.

After all, this is not pathetic, at least we have got a lot of free updates for several Valve games, you know what is pathetic? Can anybody tell me why Mojang AB could make its way to the semi-final this year? It’s barely nothing there on its Wiki page, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojang_AB, with only one game published and another two in development in all its history? Are you kidding me? Then how about Rovio Mobile with Angry Birds?

What I can see from this contest is people’s likes and dislikes but not developer of the year. BioWare and Blizzard are absolutely more outstanding in 2010 than Valve or Mojang AB, it’s a shame that one of the former ones will be gone and no matter which it is, it is better than the latter ones, one of which will stand out in the next round.

I’m not showing my dislike of Valve or Mojang AB, to be frank, I love Valve. BUT I won’t vote this time because I can’t see any justice in the contest this year.

π day

π (sometimes written pi) is a mathematical constant whose value is the ratio of any Euclidean plane circle’s circumference to its diameter; this is the same value as the ratio of a circle’s area to the square of its radius. It is approximately equal to 3.14159265 in the usual decimal notation. Many formulae from mathematics, science, and engineering involve π, which makes it one of the most important mathematical constants.

Definition of π from Wikipedia.

3.14159265 is the exactest number that can come up from my mind. I tried to memorize longer but it often went wrong for that we do not need to use it so accurately like that, instead we make it 3.14 mostly. I love π and it is an amazing constant number that I’ve been using since the seventh grade. And I remembered that I was trying to calculate π from trigonometric functions, which is one of those many ways to calculate it out, using a calculator in my hand deep in a Saturday night. Much passion about it, hah?

We call March 14 Zu Chongzhi’s Day, named after the man all Chinese are proud of. He calculated Pi precisely to the seventh digit after the dot with no electronic computer during his years which was more than 1,500 years ago. With only pens and paper, he made it that far, that great. Zu is one of the most brilliant mathematicians in the history of China, we all admire him as he accomplished what seemed almost impossible.

Excellent job as Zu did, that is a level everybody loving mathematics wants to reach, including me. I know I can’t expect much recognition when I get there now, because Pi has been calculated accurately to millions of digits after the dot. So I have to make it to my own “Pi”. Time to go, wait to see.